“From a certain point onward there is no longer any turning back. That is the point that must be reached”. Franz Kafka
Mexico city, april 2015
ART STUDIO-la bohemia in exile- cuidad de Mexico- calle bolivar
red curtain in flames- in a mad erotic dance- curse and blessing- a few days into the roller coaster have left me empty and lost -where to go from now? I find refuge in old books- relics of the magic of humanity- surrealistic collage- will I really know myself in this lifetime? It feels the more I dive deeper, the more it opens to other layers. In this quest of the infinite will there be a certain light, somewhere, that I will recognize as mine? Will I ever find peace? Eye drops of Sananga- burn- blind- open- clear- wide open- stolen vision from Amazonia- grand collage: the dance of the blessed spirits- destruction of history- to restore vital energy- there is so much to paint, to live, to love, to discover- san pedro cactus powder-
I spend the day repainting what I have destroyed at night in a furious trance in altered states of creation. It creates some kind of alchemical balance in a nuptial dance: in between harmony and chaos; intuition and knowledge in fusion- in battle.
After darkness- another rebirth- embrace the sun- to dance into the universal wheel of creation- to transform reality- to touch and be touched- from the Bardo back to the theatre of earth- out for compassion- It’s spring: it grows- I already feels her lips on mine- skin white turns to gold- soul black turns to rainbow- art trance-heart beating at full speed- my pace is too fast, too intense- there is too many visions to transmit into art- no music matches my emotion- my brushes at that mad speed trace perfect lines without even touching the canvas- the flow of my thoughts is out of control. I change the music a million times until a beat is taking me: bull running bleeding praying seeking to death- 200 colored skulls are staring at me-
Anais Nin is screaming delicate naked poetry around me- ambassador of Earth- -waltz in c-sharp minor- Chopin piano- ivory fingers- Indigene- etherogene- entheogenia- trip tongue blue- exile in bloom- I come back to the surface, where water and oxygen kiss each other-I must keep this book close to me- antidote to destiny- teacher of immortality- my only protection- ecstasy evangelist- blue pill eyes flickering-I disappear into the music spirit-I make love with the piano -piano -piano- I am dissolving into sound- huichol embrace- I chase for spirits- something too abstract- I sail in between realities but I never really touch one- I paint a giant kite: that will take me for a ride- I dig a hole in the middle of the studio- to reach the other side-I am the strangest beast- bird or bull?- lost in a sea of fantasy- I try to observe but I always see though my filter- drowned in the intensity of my visions- my body is vibrating- pulsating- my left hand knows no rest- drunk- head dancing at a fulgurant speed in tribal trance- goes where no one knows.
Early morning: I am already so deeply involved into the realms of creation that I wonder how it will all explode at night- escalating ecstatic trance- or fury? -Oh mystery of everything, ghost of pleasure- Epicure- god of inspiration and imagination- you’ve put in my hands a creature of clay- levres immenses comme la chaire de l’huitre- lips open- beautiful addiction you make me see everything blue- you are a shamanic beast who restores joy- art of kissing- by a river of blood I came- by a river of blood I will go- black ink of the sky- giant octopus of desire over my head- wet- screaming lust-- Eros everywhere- Aphrodite living from my within- I run- I touch- I pray- I paint- I lick- I scream- I share- I climb- I reach- I penetrate- no time to fall down- we must stay high- maintain this vision- I sacrifice harmony for thrills- fingers of the sky caress me- I am flesh- I am poetry- I am art- I am love- I must contribute to the universal light- I surrender to no power- I create a river- buddhist bells - chanting- I find peace for a few minutes- in between two paintings- oasis in my mind- golden land-monochrome heaven- tower of wind- Amate paper- obsession- dedication- I feel no joy, I feel no pain I paint.
I feel no joy, I feel no pain I paint.
Sex with the spirit- skeleton erotic- exotic reunion of all desires- my brushes know no hesitation- never motionless- never step back to see- never analyse- never satisfied- never turned down- never a question- never in doubt- just on the channel- devoted -dedicated- in trance- one with the universe- never in a square- never a definition- never completing the circle- never on a line- taken by inspiration- never for an audience- creating for the holy- painting to survive- act of poetry- act of passion- act of rebellion- vision quest- scream of existence- never part of a movement- never following or leading- never in reaction- never to predict- never to be part of history or to be remembered- never a premonition- never a memory- but whirling whirling in sacred ecstasy to be one with the universe- searching for the meaning of life and death- diving for pearls- to cross the great golden gate of the unknown and push away the limits of reality and to embrace the miracle and mystery of life and death and love- to celebrate the miracle of our presence on Earth- and to reach a higher level of consciousness-
I open a wax sealed block of Arches papers- cold press- handcrafted- rough cotton grain- it’s like to undress a beautiful woman- the most beautiful ritual- energy rises- I become an animal- painting at the speed of light many different canvas at the same time- I open a book about XX century art history- I draw intuitive versions of modern paintings- oil pastel- from page to page and I really penetrate the fabric of this century- soul of these times- I am the modern hand- I appear at the other end with 200 drawings splattered on the floor- 2 bottles of wine emptied and the sunrise that kicks by the window some renew- I collapse but never surrender.
Heavy rains in Mexico City- magical feeling of isolation in the studio- among painted spirits- something exceptional will happen- magic trap opens up to my garden of the earthly delights- no witness- until sky opens up- uncertain times: will I die, will I live? Will I cross the gate? - knock of the drops on my heart: I write on the old typewriter a love letter to the sea- every word is a sound a song- war in my bed- dreams in convulsions- prophetic- erotic- kiss of one- she is everyone- she awakes- brave and naked- I found her- marble Venus at the antique market- in a seashell open- white and virgin- not for long- I must make those kites fly- high- oh it’s a dream for everyone- It’s not mine- my pink hands- there is no place in my sleep- no place to seek- there is too many to paint- too many to transform- too many to escape from- everything must be achieved now- must be saved and destroyed- birth of Venus- archetype- myth- joy- enjoy- destroy-
I breathe. I believe- is it a new life? Have you changed?
I am in the same waters as you.
We made love all night, all morning, in the deepest connection of all, inside her sex river of my semen, sacred glory, mayan snake of light, in her eyes the most profound mystery: all secrets revealed, shared, nothing remembered, all here, the first kiss forever, my eyes in her hands. Inside of a seashell we are.
Bloom in your eyes I met the voice of freedom. Lsd honeymoon. Bambu lover bending into the imaginary wind. She left a trace of light in me. I’ll never see her again, not as she was last night.
-Never look back, I repeat to myself, no time for nostalgia.
We are the great navigators, the lovers of evolution and discovery, we live the closest to the irrational, the unknown, the invisible, we travel in between the lines, outside any boundaries. The law haves no power on us.
We have lost everything, but who we are, we are the seeds of romantic chaos.
I love things uncompleted, unfinished, never polished, never totally understood, spontaneous and intuitive, chaotic and mysterious, I love when not everything is said, when there is no ends, no beginning,
when it 's above us, faster than us, at the speed of light, when it's abstract, when there is no time to fall down, overlapping, like a collage, in a beautiful choreography of intuition, a break through, a blow, when memory dies, future vanishes, invisible glory, when ego explodes, when we become animals, eggs of light, pure energy, without witness,
when we reach the holy land , the kingdom of visions, when we travel at the speed of light into the seashell spiral.
( Boadicea by enya)
I do not scream for an audience
I shout at the holy //////////////////
I love to be mystified, charmed, drugged, abandoned, loved, pushed, pulled, provoked, in an ecstatic trance, the sublime ecstasy of danger of living, of loving, of being, of searching for the reason to live.
We live for the experience . LA NUEVA EXPERIENCIA,
( THERE IS A NEW WAY TO LIVE THAT WE MUST DISCOVER AND TRANSCEND )
Music : Aziz by Mercan Dede
BRAVE UNKNOWN LOST LOVE
I AM LICKING DREAM HEAVEN FEATHER BLUE
THE MAILMAN ESCAPED MY DESTINY -BY KISSING A SHADOW GIRL
MILES DAVIS BLOWING IN ECSTASY A SYMPHONY TO RESTORE DIVINITY
DRAGON SPIRIT SHADOW,
OH BEAUTIFUL GREEK TRAGEDY
DRINKING AT THE FOUNTAIN OF DARKNESS
DRUNK STARVING INNOCENT-
ONLY WILL YOU REMEMBER THOSE THAT YOU TOUCHED AND KISSED
BLINDED BY THE LIGHT
OF ALL OF US WHO WILL NEVER SURRENDER
AT FULL SPEED -WOLF BLEEDING RIDING RED LIPSTICK
YOUR KISS YOUR KISS IS THE BLADE OF THE WINDMILL REVOLVING
PROPHECY SPOKEN LOUD- I SHOUT AT THE GREAT SPIRIT
FIRE- OPIUM- IN MY CHEST BURNING TRUTH TO EXPLODE -
ALONE AMONG MILLIONS-- SUNSET
OH GREAT CIVILIZATION, WHEN AND WHERE DID YOU LOSE YOUR SOUL?
A SHADOW BOY WITHOUT FUTURE SMOKING PEACE PIPE
WHERE THE WILD ROSES GROW MUST BE WHERE WE WILL GO
SCREAMING-INDIAN APACHE INDIAN LOVE REACHING
YOUR WINGS ARE FRAGILE LIKE MY TEARS FALLING ON YOUR GOLDEN CHEST
UNDER RAIN- NAKED NEW HUMANITY
OUR JOURNEY ONLY BEGINS
THE NIGHT TRAIN-I HAVE SEEN IT- CROSSING THROUGH
THE END OF TIMES, OH MY LOVE
THE FOSSILS OF YOUR FLESH
IN MY EYES FANTASY BURNING
IN OUR HEAVENS GLORY
channeled in mexico city
at la bohemia in exile- calle bolivar